When my wife and I decided to get married almost twelve years ago I had no ideas about the some of the challenges that we would face. I was a naive twenty-two year old boy who thought he knew how the world worked. Boy was I wrong about a lot of things. I didn't know that this endeavor that we were going to jump in together was going to be the biggest challenge of my life and continues to be to this day. I love my wife and thank God for her everyday. However, it is a challenge every day to live with another person(s). We love each other very much but we both find it a challenge to make our marriage work on a daily basis. So before I dive into the world of this post I will define what marriage is to me.
Marriage is defined by the Bible as a union between a man and a woman. Genesis 2:23-24 states: "This is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called 'woman,' because she was taken from man.'" This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." When I was a young man I never saw my parents argue in front of each other and thought that the marriage thing has to be easy because my mother always seemed happy and my dad just didn't show emotion so I always assumed he was cool with the way things were. My parents have been married for 40 years and over the past few years of my adult life it has been revealed to me that my parents marriage was not so perfect and they had a series of problems that with the help of a loving God, counseling, and prayer they were able to make it through.
My dad did not always make my mother happy with his decisions and I have not always made my wife happy with my decisions. That is just a fact of life. The husband nor the wife are here to make every one of your dreams come true. There are many problems with marriage today and one of them is the view of it in the United States. Marriage cannot be totally based off of love. I am sorry if that just either blew your mind or offended you but it is the truth. You might be saying "This guy is off his rocker." or "My marriage will be different." I am about to give the reader NEWS FLASH numero two. I am not off my rocker and your marriage will have it's high points and it's low points. That is just the way life is.
1. Men must treasure their wives because they are worth it: The Bible is the greatest instruction manual ever written in the existence of mankind. It speaks explicitly to this very thing I just said. Proverbs 31:10 states: "Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life." This verse in Proverbs speaks volumes to men if they would only listen. Here is why I say this. In the life that I have shared with my wife I can count on two hands how many times I have been right about something. The issues and arguments where my wife has been right have greatly enriched my life. I have learned how to properly cut a steak, speak in public, navigate a social situation without embarrassing myself and eat food properly in any social situation. These are just some of the things that have enriched my life because of her.
2. Men and Women are to Treat Each Other Kindly: This is true but in the course of being treated kindly and loved by your partner you may not always be happy with the way they are doing things. Colossians 3:18-19 states: "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly." For many years this verse was used by uneducated lay pastors to allow husbands to rule their homes with an iron fist. However, they were only utilizing verse 18 and not verse 19. Husbands and wives are not always going to make decisions that make each other happy but when making decisions that involve you and your wife (which means every decision you make after you say your marriage vows.) you have to be thinking of them when you are doing it. This means as men and women you have to think about the spiritual, financial, and emotional effects that are going to occur when you make said decision. As husbands and wives we are not going to be able to make decisions all of the time that will fulfill every dream that your spouse has. Your spouse is going to become angry at you but it is how you as a spouse deal with it that matters. Charles Swindoll has been quoted as stating "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." This has been a powerful truth in my marriage since day one. Most of the time my wife is not aggravated for the decisions I make on a daily basis. Rather, she is mad when I make a mistake and then improperly react to it.
3. The Main Goal of Your Spouse is to Help You Grow, Spiritually: My wife is my equal partner on everything and it has always been that way. We live in a Christian home and as such I have the final say on all matters but my wife has a massive influence on all of those decisions. I am by nature a heathen. My wife has kept me on track spiritually since we met in 2000. She has also been behind me all the way since I told her I was going to pursue a career in the ministry even though I do not come from what may consider to be the traditional Christian pedigree for pastors. My wife has built me from the ground up and stood by me in all of my faith struggles without judging me. But most of all she has helped me understand that as a husband I will not be perfect and she does not expect me to be. My wife and I do not always pray together and do Bible studies together but we as a couple keep each other spiritually grounded and continue to help each other grow.
4. Friendship is More Important the Sex: When I met my wife I was kind of still in a relationship. The first time I saw her I was very physically attracted to her. But, when I had my first conversation I knew I was going to have a great friend even if I this attempt by me to court her was unsuccessful. When we first started hanging out we were leaving relationships that had very emotionally drained us. When we talked we didn't talk about our attraction to each other. Rather, we discussed things that mattered to us and what we wanted in life. My wife and I were hanging out and just doing things together for three months before we even had our first official/accidental date. We never even really looked at each other and put a label on our relationship until we were engaged. I am not always the best communicator but my wife brought out the communicator within me. We still have arguments about me being quiet and not effectively communicating but we always work our way through it. Almost all couples today are having sex before marriage and this is the quote I often hear when I ask people why they do it "You gotta test drive the car before you buy it." This quote comes from both men and women. That surprised me when I began asking this question but then I realized that this generation has grown up in a world where MTV and the rest of the world have told them that it is okay to do this because it will help their marriage succeed. The Sex in my marriage is by no means the most important part of my marriage and it never has been. The fulfillment from the time I get to hang out and interact with my spouse has been the most important part of my marriage. I want all those out there to know that I am not saying sex is not important in marriage because it is. But it cannot be the focal point of your relationship or it will fall to pieces when the fire runs out.
In Closing: It is my firm belief that if Husbands and Wives need to concentrate on their spiritual lives, friendship and finding ways to help each other grow as people. I believe that if you do these things together as a couple the issues of kids, bills, disease, and death will take care of themselves. God Bless
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